So Good, Knight by Bryant Stockton
I was watching a game yesterday between the Rockets and a team that Lebron James was taking a lot of shots for. I think it was the Cavs, but who really knows? At least, who can really tell? Maybe it’s all the black-and-blue vs. white-and-gold dress drama that’s got me questioning my knowledge of the old Crayola box, or maybe it’s all these alternative uniforms that every team seems to be consistently donning. Phil Knight, you have created a monster.
It would, sort of, be unfair of me to actually blame the mega-rich Nike founder for these particular wardrobe malfunctions. Knight, in fact, did not create the concept of alternate attire—he just perfected it. Special paint schemes graced many a NASCAR hood long before Oregon had 300 gajillion uniform/helmet combinations. Remember the red “Plus” written in cursive across the hood of the number three Chevy during Dale Earnhardt’s emotional 1998 Daytona 500 victory? And what can be said about the hideous Packers, Lions, and Steelers throwback unis except—[insert vomit sound]. Also, the White Sox wore shorts for a while…shorts, people!
As they say, however, clothes have always “made the man.” And legend has it that women find men in uniforms to be quite the hotties. Uniforms have always been a selling point to recruits…and not just in sports. What eighteen-year-old guy wouldn’t be blown away by the U.S. Marines classic dress blues? I know I am. Amazing uniform!
So, honestly, I’m not even complaining. I get it. Make your uniform(s) work for you. Make them POP (with their screaming greens and yelling yellows) off of high-def TVs across this great nation. Sell, sell, sell. And, consumer, go ahead and consume. Purchase all twelve versions of the 2014-15 jersey with your favorite player’s number on it, and wear one (or two or ten) during the game. Cheer loudly. Be fanatical. Delight in capitalism at its finest. And don’t be surprised if Mr. Knight is already in the lab perfecting the black-and-blue-transforming-to-white-and-gold jersey. And don’t be surprised when we all buy one.