April 13, 2015, 9:10
Just saw a video of Tom Brady throwing a first pitch. Sarcastic tweets and comments are sure to ensue, and I guess that’s not an unfair thing. He is, after all, a guy who makes a living using his arm.
Beautiful Brady notwithstanding, every time someone throws a bad first pitch, the parade of other bad pitches is surely not far behind. Some new classics top that list like, 50 Cent’s tremendously trepidatious toss, Carly Rae Jepsen’s horrible heave, and maybe the worst of all, former Cincinnati mayor Mark Mallory’s wide-left classic that seemed more an imitation of Nuke Laloosh hitting the bull than a tribute.
Let’s also not forget at least two sportsmen who threw some real knuckleballs (or should I say “knuckle HEADED balls.”) Olympic great Carl Lewis really blew it at one game, blew it so badly he asked for a redo. A redo, Carl? How about, just maybe you don’t throw a baseball again for the next, eh, let’s say forever years? Or sing the National Anthem either…even lousier than your first pitch.
Big Blue Nation’s own John Wall also flung a real stinker; although, to be fair, long range really isn’t his thing. Had he been allowed to use his quickness and penetrate to the plate, I’m sure the results would have been different.
I am not writing this to make fun of celebrities, though. I know, could have fooled you, right? ‘Twas not my intention in the least. Rather, I am writing to make a proclamation. And here it is. If ever asked to deliver a first pitch, I believe, with all my heart, soul, and right arm that I would send something that actually looked like a pitch to the plate. I don’t think I’d short-hop it or throw it wildly over the catcher’s head. Can’t promise a strike, I mean, not even the guys who get paid to actually throw strikes don’t throw one every time. But, mark it down now if you like, the pitch won’t be too badly off target and definitely won’t look ridiculous.
Maybe I’m dealing with a case of misguided hubris here, but I honestly don’t think I am. I prefer to think of it as just regular old confidence. I guess there is only one way to know for sure. Someone has to invite me to throw a first pitch, put the pressure on so I will put my money where my mouth is…or should I say “the ball where the mitt is?” Yeah, I like that.