Watching game film late Thursday night, Bengals’ Coach Zac Taylor and his staff saw something they were not prepared for.
“It was surprising beyond words. Nothing any of us or the entire Southern Ohio region expected would come from someone on this team. A truly shocking display!”
First-year coach Taylor is referring to a play in last week’s game where an unnamed Bengals defender used his shoulder to hit a Raven’s player, bringing him down in what is believed to be the team’s first form tackle of the year.
“We couldn’t believe our eyes,” local sports anchor Larry Cushings said of the footage sent to him by an anonymous source in the Bengals’ front office.
“We wanted to run with the story,” Cushings continued, “but were afraid that (A) we would lose all credibility because everyone would think we’d fabricated it, and (B) we were sincerely terrified of the ramifications among Who Dey Nation. We don’t want to send anyone into panic……or worse, heighten expectations for the rest of the season.”
The footage, though grainy, does appear to be real, and shows an unidentifiable member of the Bengals secondary bringing down Raven’s RB Mark Ingram after a 21-yard gain.
“Apparently, whoever it was, the dude didn’t get the memo about Tua!” one angry fan spat.
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell could not be reached for comment, but one can only speculate he will be devoting 100% of his time investigating this abnormality.
One messageboard fan simply known as “ML” stated: “Nice tackle. Met your yearly quota!” simply followed by a string of emojis unprintable by this publication.